First time cat owner wants to know when it's time to say goodbye
1I adopted a kitten 13 years ago. He's always been a playful, active, fast, hungry, large, long, shiny-coated cat; though his activity has reduced over the years. This past year has been tough for us. He's gone from a peak weight of 15 pounds (slightly overweight. He's long!), to about 10 pounds. He started vomiting about 12-18 months ago. At first, it was occasional, but the frequency has steadily increased. He urinates about twice as much as he typically did in prior years. He's been to the vet multiple times. He's got hyperthyroidism, and minor loss of kidney function.
His vomiting has now gotten out of control. It's nearly every day. He's ruined all carpets in the house. He pees on couches and throw pillows. He has infrequent bouts of diarrhea that don't make it to the litter box.
But through it all, he's still playful when presented with the right toy, and still wants his now-bony body to be stroked and pet.
I've always known that in the face of apparent suffering, I'd have to euthanize him. I never considered that the suffering would be mine, and so prolonged. I don't want to put him down, and I don't want to live under the constant barrage of urine, vomit, and feces.
At what point, if any, is it right to say goodbye?
- 28 comments, 14 replies
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The less compassionate, tl;dr version -
My cat is ruining my house. If you can imagine a graph with two plots, joy and suffering, the joy line has fallen below the suffering line for me. For the cat, not yet.
Whose graph takes precedence?
I find it hard to believe your cat is not experiencing more suffering than joy. Perhaps he just doesn't show it.
Not sure what I would do in this situation. If the vet thought it was time, then yeah. Otherwise, I'd probably confine mine to one room most of the time and let them out only when supervised.
It's possible that I don't see his signs of suffering. His behavior hasn't markedly changed. He still can jump onto a very high bed. He still plays fetch.
The vet's incentives are not aligned properly to allow me to trust that he or she would give an unbiased response. The vet trades on the goods (pharmaceuticals) and services of animal care.
I would have the vet evaluate the cat's quality of life and let them give you an idea of where you cat is on this scale, so that you can make a good decision for your family.
While the basic economic premise of your concern about the vet is strictly logical; I have never met one who operates on that level. Most vets got into their job because they care for animals. Any doctor or vet who would put their profit before quality of life has failed their most basic job. If you feel that the vet you currently see is on the wrong side of that line, get a new vet.
With the weight loss, vomiting, incontinence, and other issues, it sounds like your cat is suffering more than you may realize. I'm truly sorry you have to make this decision.
@Thumperchick I'm squarely in the euthanize camp. The vet is being neutral. She thinks that if the thyroid gets under control, he'll turn the corner. I'm soliciting advice more to understand why my wife thinks I'm a heartless. The more emotional I'm supposed to feel about something, the more I tend to unconsciously "turn off" my sympathy.
What are you treating your kitty with ? Often times thyroid meds will cause an upset stomach. Are you giving him/ her anything for nausea ? If you are dosing pills for HT you might switch to an ear cream .
OR some simple pepcid AC original Strength (famotidine)( 1/4 a tab } can do wonders for an upset stomach. There are other prescription meds vet can give that are also good for nausea . But personally I would start w/ that first.
Wt loss is prob. from Hyper T. The missing the box and diarrhea could also be from HT and or CRD. I'll get back to those in a minute.
What exactly is the treatment your cat is on ? What food are you feeding ? Has there been any other dx Hyper T and early CRD ( chronic renal disease) ? Do you have copies of the lab work you can post ?
If you cat is still interacting, playing, eating and able to "go" {even though there are some elimination issues} then it is not time.
I would 1. ask the vet about something for the nausea -- starting w/ the simplest --the OTC famotidine per above. You might also try Dr. Elsey's Cat attract litter. For kitties that have issues that have made them adverse to the box this is a great tool.
You might also add a second box that is closer to where your cat hangs out.
I am also curious on the food. Did your vet have you switch food w/ dx'd ?
{sometimes the rx food can cause issues in output} Could be some diet tweaking is in order.
Please post back. There are also things that can be done there to help w/ diarrhea. Even something as simple as adding some Konsyl (psyllium) to the food.
There are some great online resources for CRD and HT too. I'll have to look my links up later and come back and post them for you . Helps to get info from those dealing w/ the same thing and/or who have been there done that.
Vets have to know a lot about many different species. I don't expect her to know it all. I learn and discuss w/ her. Also saw specialist along the way. Are you happy w/ the vet you have and feel comfortable working w/ her/him ? That's important.
BTW -- I had a hyper T kitty and 2 CRD kitties. Both lived to over 19 and neither of those illnesses were the COD. Just as some here are tech nerds, I like bio science and can be found reading vet journal articles, along w/ other science articles.
thanks. I'll post back when I'm not on mobile
I was attempting to couch my previous comment in terms of how to arrive at a good choice for your family, but since you asked:
To put it bluntly, you are talking about putting down a member of your family, seemingly because you are annoyed at their bowel movements and incontinence.
I understand there is more to it than that. The weight loss, etc. However, if your vet hasn't put the option out there, they aren't being neutral - they don't think it's time. There are other options you could explore. Ceagee is full of great advice about pet care, as already shown.
In other words, if your main reason for considering euthanasia is not the well being of your pet or the safety of your family, you may need to re-evaluate the logic track you've taken.
I apologize if this reads harshly, I am finding it difficult to convey the compassion I do feel for you and this situation. I just prefer to not mince too many words if a point can be made clearly.
I don't think you were harsh- just honest.
I have one suggestion. My elderly cat, who had diabetes and thyroid problems, also suffered from extreme diarrhea in his later years. My vet tried everything for him. Finally, she went back to a very old med, trimeth sulfa. This drug has been supplanted by the "newest and best" meds, which are often not the case. Anyway, she put Tiger on this (pill form) and before long his diarrhea had stopped. Eventually, I only had to give it to him twice a week.
I know what it is like to have to deal with a cat who has diarrhea and cannot make it to his pan in time. Maybe this will help him and you.
If it becomes too much of a burden, then it's time to consider quality if life. It's not easy, but how happy is your cat?
@Thumperchick no worries about offending me. I can tell the difference between blunt and name calling. Perspective is helpful.
I don't see my cat as an equal family member. He's both something I own and something I care for. I don't own any other family member. Part of that reduced level of membership is that I can trade, sell, or give him away. I have mixed feelings about wanting to own him. I still care for him, both emotionally, and need fulfillment.
Based in your reply, I gather that you are of the opinion that I should always choose to save the cat when feasible. Cost (realized and opportunity costs), time, and harm caused to material things are all not to be considered.
The logic I've used seems sound if you accept that his family membership status is not equal.
He's not going anywhere soon. We've got options still. But I'm not going to live a life where I can't have company over, can't go in vacation, and live in prolonged filth for the sake of a stray cat I took in and still love. If his vomiting doesn't improve or respond to treatment, i don't feel obligated to treat him or keep him.
I should point out that most of our discussion is moot because my family would certainly prefer to keep him alive at all costs, provided there's no apparent suffering / vet doesn't explicitly recommend euthanasia. I hope that helps put you at some ease.
@fgarriel I find your economist-like reasoning quite... well... reasonable. But it doesn't encompass the possibility of your cat recovering well enough to make living with him bearable again. Given the anecdotes and suggestions here, it seems to me there are more options to try before the last resort.
13 is by no means young for a cat, but generally domestic cats live 15-20 years in spite of health issues that come with old age. Cats can be senior-citizens for the majority of their lives, and owners should be ready to handle that. If you didn't realize that when you got a cat, then, well, too bad... deal with it then don't get any more cats.
On a more emotional level --
I consider taking a pet into your home as making a promise to give them a comfortable life until they don't want it any more. It would be a kind of betrayal of his trust in you to have him put down if he still wants to live. Animals of course know nothing of the words "promise" and "betrayal", but our behavior towards them over the course of their lives encourages certain expectations, and that is a promise.
yeah, we still have options. lots of them.
Just an update... we've taken our cat off the prescription dry food without consulting the vet. He's still on the meds for thyroid, which we hide in his verboten wet food. We've also added Pepcid AC too. I'm not sure how these actions will affect his long term health, but his vomitting has dramatically improved. His out-of-the-box pooping seems to be strictly behavioral at this point (i.e., no diarrhea).
Stay of execution granted for the foreseeable future. Thanks for the recommendations.
How's your fuzzy buddy doing?
You may have heard these suggestions before but what the heck... : )
I'm in a similar situation with my 17 year old cat.. with diabetes ... who gets a special homemade diet and two shots of insulin each day.
This is the oldest cat I've owned and have learned a LOT in the last few years. Speaking about pets and older cats in general here's a few important points...
Animals do hide there discomfort. Its a survival thing. Watch your cat whan he thinks he's not being observed. You may see subtle differences that he won't show when family is around.
Put extra bowls of water around the house. Older cats are pron to dehydration....that leads to a bunch of other issues. Having to get up and walk across the house may be more than he's interested in doing.
Same for litter box ... try having one in the usual place and one nearer to where he sleeps most. Same reason as above... the older they get the less they want to expend energy! This can save you a lot of clean up.
Hope he's doing better!
E
I want to say that I completely agree with katylava's "I consider" paragraph. You've made a social contract and it's your responsibility to fulfill it, for better or worse. However, your mention of vet-prescribed food struck a chord. I am well-versed in dog food, not cat food, but I can tell you one thing for a cold fact: most vet prescribed pet food is crap. Most of it is produced by Hills (Science Diet) and it's very low quality stuff. A little online research should give you a basic understanding of how to evaluate cat food. For dog food, you want the first three ingredients to be meat, preferably meat meal, and it should not contain corn or meat by-products. I expect the same is likely true for cat food. I'd suggest talking with your vet about what purpose is supposed to be served with the prescription food (low fat, low sodium, low protein, what?), and then finding a high quality food that will meet those goals. Although I have an aging cat (thankfully in in great health) I am very much a dog person. If this were a dog I would suggest crating part of the time when the elimination problems can't be monitored. I don't know if this would be appropriate for a cat. Alternatively, if you have a yard and a nice climate, you could create a secure outdoor cat yard (fully screened and roofed) for your cat to enjoy when he can't be monitored. However, neither of these options should result in exile, they should just be used when the family is out or sleeping.
Checking with vet regarding an older cat's diet is a good idea. Cats are almost exclusively carnivores however, a high protein diet can be harmful to the kidneys of an older cat.
Next time I adopt I'm gonna build a Catio (cat + patio) first! I think they're genius! : D
omg my cats must have one!
My best friend recently built a big one for my sister-in-law, screen porch style.
@moondrake - does your sister in law like her Catio? Or does she need more room?
My cat is 14 this year, and while he wasn't a stray, he was a runt and didn't receive good care for his first 6 weeks of life. He's very thin, and had some of the same issues you mention. I tried a variety of foods, and what has worked best for my cat is basically chicken confit--I buy boneless/skinless chicken thighs, cook them on low to let the fat melt, then dice it up. The dicing is mostly because he doesn't have any teeth, so can't chew. This has kept him healthier than anything else I tried.
This is a topic I've had to deal with quite a bit over the last few years. We lost a 14 year old, a 2 year old, a 1 year old, and a 4 month old all within the span of about 3 years to various rare and not so rare illnesses. It's always tough deciding when the time is right. 3 of those 4 told me when it was time. The 14 year old had been ailing for a while but seemed to be under control till he woke me in the middle of the night with much wailing. He was mentally gone 2 hours later at the emergency vet. The 1 year old and 2 year old both spent 24 hours refusing food and water and pretty much hiding from everyone. The 2 year old liked to spend afternoons in the backyard with me and we took him out one last time before taking him to his final vet visit and he caught his first bird that morning. The 4 month old was full of life, but her back legs had completely stopped working. I felt most guilty about her because I felt like I was putting my need to not continuously clean her from the mess she made all over herself over her needs.
So all this to say, when it's time, you will absolutely know it's time. Cats are extremely good at hiding discomfort. They can also find bought of energy while they are on their deathbed. Generally, behavioral problems like not using the litter box are to get your attention and tell you that there is something they are unhappy about. It may or may not be a sign that they are done. Most of the time, I think refusing food is the better indicator.
I'm the type that will wait till that "deathbed plea" but I also know that animals are sensitive to our moods and feelings. If you are truly to the point that you can't take it anymore, I'm sure that will have an effect on the cats mental state too. I try not to judge other people for the decision they make on when is a good time.
My 10 year old cat was 100% (or so I thought), but refused to eat for a couple of days. Normally he was a glutton. It was time for his rabies shot, so I took him to the vet. Doc did not like the feeling of his abdomen. Long story short, he was filled with liver cancer and could not be saved. I had no idea whatsoever, as he hid it well. It still brings tears to my eyes to think how much pain he had concealed and how sick he was, and I had no clue.
I think Andrea and Sara say it quite nicely;
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I've got two geriatric pets myself, MeatOgre. As for whether your cat is suffering, it can be hard to tell because they try to hide their weaknesses (so my dog's vet tells me). That, and they don't speak English. :-) Thus, I got pain meds for my dig with two torn ACLs. Dogs are easy - meds go down easy with pill pockets (treats for this purpose), cheese, or peanut butter. I trust our vet. The veterinary orthopedic surgeon with the posh office who implied surgery was the only humane option, not so much.
My old kitty has symptoms much like yours. The vet found some pancreatitis and early kidney failure (neither uncommon in older cats, I'm told). Some pricey Science Diet food has helped. That's cut down on the puking a fair bit. Plus, the dog is always happy to clean up warm cat food patté. I'm fortunate my thirsty kitty's copious urine has only gone in the box (we have 3 for two cats). Pepcid helps him some, but the stress for both us often makes the benefit not worth it often. If he needed thyroxine, we'd both have to suck it up.
When it gets worse (incontinence, thinking outside the box, losing more weight) it'll be the same hard decision. I'll probably confine him to a smaller area and we'll both hate it. He spent a couple months in our bathroom earlier in his life with chronic diarrhea. Some expensive food was enough to cure that one. Directing him back to the box (litterbox bring pain) took a while longer.
You find the decision burdensome because you're probably not a callous, uncaring person. I agree with the earlier comment that you'll have to find where the pleasure/pain ratio works for you. Pets are more than belongings to me, but less than people. Your ability to bear the situation gets a bigger vote than when dealing with an incontinent, demented grandma. The decision's gonna be painful whenever you make it.
People > pets > belongings is where I'm at too. I feel as if people who say pets=people either don't mean it or a little crazy about pets.
Just a crappy update for y'all. Looks like it might be final days for kitty. Our cat spent the entire morning in the bathroom lying near his water bowl, despite there being a lot of foot traffic. He didn't make it into bed last night (or he atypically came up late and left early) His litter box has been free of significant feces for a couple weeks (there's some shit, but not enough), and yesterday he couldn't keep food down.
@JerseyFrank
I'm sorry your kitty has taken a turn.
I do not have the whole picture, as you have not mentioned what has gone on w/ vet and kitty health since last reported. You must of done good since it's been so long .
But as mentioned in my earlier post, I like to know what is wrong and treat if I can.
Has he been eating w/ low output ? Could be constipated ? and that can cause nausea. miralax sprinkled on something tempting or some lactulose from vet. or pumpkin. (some cats really like flavor ) but miralax will work best and fast.
1/8 tsp. Here is the top site for CRD and it also covers other issues. Page on constipation:
http://www.felinecrf.org/constipation.htm
All that said........
....sometimes it is time to set kitties free. Only you and your family and your vet can tell that.
Whatever you decide I'm sure will be with best intent for your furred family member.
Please post back. We care.
@JerseyFrank I'm so sorry you are losing your furry friend.
@ceagee He has hyperthyroidism. It's being treated with Hill's "y/d food". We too are concerned it's simply constipation. We didn't have much luck with him eating pumpkin, so Miralax is the next thing to try.
@ceagee As far as what's gone on between then and now... his hyperthyroidism has been controlled, he urinates about 3-4x more than he did when he was < 10 years old. He vomits and pees on stuff. My family hides it from me. It's workable.
@JerseyFrank The important part of the equation is if he is a happy cat. He certainly is a well loved cat ! I hope the miralax works, It can be dosed to effect. ( Same w/ the lactulose from vet) Also a "hygiene shave" can help if you have trouble getting the dose correct.
(and am assuming this is problem)
Sometimes you don't know how much until its too much. If you know what I mean.
Sometimes cats have been constipated for a period of time, they have to have a enema at vets.
The trick in future is to give meds to prevent it from happening.
I'm somewhat of an expert on constipation and senior cats. I gave you a couple easiest and best things to try.
Although kitty seems to be drinking a lot, important to keep fluids going in. Is the Hills dry or wet ? If wet food add some extra water to it and make it a bit soupy. If dry, have you tried switching to the wet version? There are many tips on how to do that ( some cats can be stubborn and picking. ) I have a long tips list wrote up for a cat health forum I was very active on. If you want it, just ask.
The extra urination and vomiting means the HT is not under control.
One of my Seniors had HT but I nuked it (I -131) and that took care of it. It's a chunk of change up front. But long term was better cost wise. ( it cured the HT -- no prescription food or meds or ongoing blood test to check levels, etc.. Plus happy cat) Your cat is 13 maybe 14 since original post ? Mine was that age when I did the I-131 treatment. She lived a happy 6 more years.
Here's a link to the group that treated my kitty. There's a lot of good info there for you to check out.
http://thyrocat.com/index.php
If there's any questions or any way further I might help please let me know. And keep us updated on your friend.
@JerseyFrank That's sad... I have 3 kitties that are 15. One hyperthyroid slowly losing weight (wish I had the money to nuke it), one with diabetes (currently in remission), early kidney failure, repeated pancreases, heart that is too small and slowly losing weight, and one who has no apparent health problems but is slowly losing weight. I dread the day I lose these three. One I raised from 10 days old. That is the part I hate about having pets - the dying part. Hard.
@JerseyFrank
I am squarely in the "little bit crazy bout my pet" camp-
Having said that- there's something about your postings that demonstrates a deep caring about your cat and a sadness that you may not even be aware of yet. At the prospect of having to put him down. I don't envy you and can only suggest that it occurs to me that THIS particular cat is getting treated well and judging from the lengths you and the family have been willing to go to this far--when the time comes it has not been a decision made in haste or strictly for YOUR convenience. Thank you for updating us on how he and you are doing, it's a rarity that happens--usually people solicit for advice and then disappear---best of luck to you and your pet-it will be a sad time when that time does come-
Find an experienced Vet near you & take your cat to him & get examined properly
If euthanization has to be done, then prepare yourself & your family to face the loss.
He will sedate your cat first to ease the process.
Then the corresponding medication is injected which starts acting immediately by slowly causing your cat to sleep.
In just 5-10 mins, your cat will slowly pass peacefully.
[VolMod EDIT] leaving comment since it’s on topic and good advise even though it’s on a years old thread, but I deleted the link.
My baby boy is set to leave this world on Friday. He is almost 18. I’ve had him since he was a baby, born outside my window.
He doesn’t know it’s coming. All he knows is that he’s eating like a king, getting doted on all the time and his mama is crying all the time.
It is the greater gift we can give them, to not know they are going to die, to be cared for and kept comfortable in those last days. If you can make your cat comfortable, then enjoy that time. But it doesn’t sound like your cat is comfortable. I know my boy could last another couple weeks. The tumor is already causing him pain but he’s on pain medication. But what would that do? I don’t want to wait until he can’t eat, can’t clean himself, can’t move.
Cats can purr and be friendly in immense pain. They may go lie down in a corner or they can become incredibly affectionate.
Only you can give your cat the gift of a painless, relaxing death. Talk to your vet and ask them this: “is it too soon?” It probably isn’t.
And I’m so sorry. My baby isn’t even gone yet but my heart is torn into pieces. It is torture for us but we are angels to them.
I hope you are at peace, whatever you do. You loved that cat so much.
And my last cat, before she went, peed on everything and left snot everywhere and I thought with the tiniest tinge of relief that I wouldn’t have to clean that up any more. Please don’t beat yourself up if you have these thoughts. Your mind is desperately trying to make you feel better about an impossible situation. I missed her more than I have missed anyone or anything in my life and I know I will feel the same about her brother.
We don’t deserve the precious joy and love of our cats, so it is up to us to make it up to them.
Aw jeez. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize this was an old thread. I’m going through something similar so I clicked.
Show him to a doctor if it is curable treat him under proper medical guidance. If things are out of control even you might be helpless and it’s up to you on when to say goodbye.
Even though and old topic: We’ve made the sad trip often over the years, oldest cat was 21. When the cat is so bad off, it is the last act of love you can do to end the suffering.
Im so sorry about your sick kitty…she may have years left ahead of her. Take her to the vet for another check up… maybe hairballs or something that can be solved.