Mediocre Make-Up Tutorial Attempt (starring @dogwelder)

dave posted some pics said
15

YouTube is full of tips and tricks for innovative make-up looks. My pal Brittney had a great idea to attempt these tutorials as a normal make-up wearer and post how they go out. You should check out her attempts, as she says, she Almost Did It.

But I wondered how these tutorials would work for someone less experienced with the whole putting make-up on bit. Hypothesis: It would be a total disaster. So, wanting to test that out, I bought the necessary make-up, watched the tutorials and…found a friend willing to do it for me.

So here's @dogwelder (who you can find out more about over here), brave explorer into the world of Make-Up Tutorials, showing us how you do it, mediocre-style:

First, the tutorial, How To Be A Girl: Cat Eyes By Magic!

Take it away, @dogwelder:

It's time that I became a pretty pretty princess. How to start? Cat eyes! Sure, Brittney struggled when she did it, but I've been putting on makeup for over thirty years. Well, I put some stuff on in play production in high school and haven't touched the stuff since then, but that's still thirty-plus years.

THE TOOLS
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All the best makeup tutorials feature packing materials. Madonna frequently applies makeup with styrofoam peanuts, and Marilyn Monroe was famous for using box cutters and mascara brushes.

THE FACE
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I know, I know- why would anyone mess with this? How can perfection be improved? Such delicate features! Such balance!

LEFT EYE
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One of the issues not covered by the tutorial: How to apply the tape to cro-magnon eye sockets. This looked pretty good to me.

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TUTORIAL TIP: If you're planning to do a tutorial that involves taking pictures with your eye closed, maybe get a helper.

As you can see, I have neatly and completely covered the exposed skin, excepet for that space near my nose. I'm sure that won't be visible.

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PERFECT.
MAKEUP TIP: If you're putting a crapload of makeup on a part of your skin that will make contact with another part of your skin, maybe let that stuff dry before you take off the template.

RIGHT EYE
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Bonus fun for this eye: a skin tab. FUN SKIN TAB FACT: If you work with small children, they will gladly point skin tabs out for you, and sometimes emphasize their observations with an "EEEEW!"

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Sorry, skin tab: I DID NOT COVER YOU WELL.

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One of the classic features of cat eye makeup is the distinctive blobs of mascara on the tear ducts. And again: Smudgetown was caused by post-peel blinking. Maybe people with makeup should get their facial muscles paralyzed so they can avoid this embarrassment.

THE FULL LOOK
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Oh, I am a pretty princess... but I can get pretty princessier!

I call this the Amy Winehouse:
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Seriously, we are twins.

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ALTERNATE LOOK: FULL CAT HEAD
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Am I Peter Criss yet?

Man- first Amy Winehouse, now Peter Criss. I am a celebrity chameleon.

VERDICT : TOTAL SUCCESS.
I AM THE PRETTIEST OF ALL PRINCESSES.

BONUS WARNING!

The worst part of this was not trying to get the makeup right. It was trying to take the makeup off. My delicate flower face did not enjoy my removal attempts. I stopped at this point:

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Then I went to the gym.